25 Things Lana del Rey Sounds Like

Things that sound like Lana Del Rey’s performance on SNL:

1. My dog’s ass after he sneaks some chili
2. a melancholy hobo on a riverboat
3. a large land mammal in mourning
4. shit
5. an internet singer trying to perform live on TV
6. Glee having a stroke
7. a poet from Starbucks
8. the inside of Rebecca Black’s head
9. Michael Clarke Duncan in the shower
10. one of those talking trees from Lord of the Rings trying to seduce another tree
11. the worst lyricist ever
12. CHUD on Broadway
13. a girl whose dad is a millionaire who bought her a music career
14. Ashlee Simpson’s understudy
15. the aural equivalent of an abscessed tooth
16. lazy hatred in music form
17. Un-autotuned digestion
18. Love poetry from a highschool drop out who gets high too much
19. a terrible sign of the times
20. the musical version of Clint Howard’s career
21. the worst musical guest on SNL in ages
22. A dumpster magically granted life
23. a Morlock
24. Mr. Hanky’s warm up routine
25. a joke on all of us