The first time I met Brett was around midnight at a very loud, crowded bar and I had already been sipping delicately on white wine (i.e. chugging beers like a she-beast), so I found his plaid shirt, ironic moustache, and pale, thin build to be quite fetching. Plus, he had a way of speaking that I thought was adorable, kind of like a Luke Wilson-esque slow drawl. Girls LOVE guys with speech impediments. Apparently though, I was wearing my beermuffs because when I met him up next it was like wankster in hipster’s clothing. It was “Naw, girl” this and “For realz” that over a meal of chicken pot pie with gravy. When I asked him why he spoke the way he did, he laughed and said “Girl, those are just ste-re-o-types. Our souls are all colors. My soul is black, red, yellow, all the colors, you know what I’m sayin’?” My response: “Yes. But your face is white.” He also drove an Audi, though he had no actual profession other than something about fish tank sales and being ”part of the Medical marijuana movement.” He did pay for the pot pies though, and bought me hair extensions from the dollar store. That was pretty nice of him.
Name: Brett, aka The Wanksta
Relationships: Looking for the right honey
From: San Diego
Body Type: Thin, a la Eminem circa 8 Mile
Personality: Friendly albeit racially confused
Funny: Not on purpose
Job: Possible drug dealer
Drink: Not really
Make Out Skills: Good, apart from the occasional “Dayam, gurrrl” whispered into my ear
Hipsterity: Only on the outside
***Submitted by the winner of the contest “Dudes Hipsters Date” Sexy Manwich. Well done. Thanks for all the submissions, hipster readers!