How to Deal With The Clint Eastwood Chair Yelling Thing

1) When Clint says, “Save some for Mitt!” – tell him. “OK, so is this your thing now? Are you done making underwhelming movies and ready to make a switch as political comedian? Also: never thought of him as a prop guy.

2)When Clint started talking to the chair and you cringed, that’s OK. Statistically, you’re more likely to cringe when a world wide known celebrity make an ass of themselves.

3)Why Clint? I know what you’re thinking: why not Jack Donaghy? And I’ll tell you why, it’s because he’s a fictional character, like Pedobear, Bon Iver and Bill Gates. The right answer here would be Chuck Norris.

4)Jon Voight too? I know, his rocky relationship with Angelina Jolie just got killed dead. It’s a shame. Let’s go through the grieving process and buy a bunch of Star magazines with crazy rumors about her, so we can draw sad faces on her face.

5)We finally own America. So European explorers bought this land from Native Americans, who then put the country on eBay, because, let’s face it, who has enough room for all this mess in their garage? After that, Clint Eastwood, who didn’t pay the Buy it Now price (he’s no fool), purchase America and gave it to the people at the RNC convention.

6)The impact in the chair industry. When Clint was done with his 11+ minute speech to an empty chair (yeah, I get it, that was supposed to be Fred Armisen doing Obama, very clever), the chair retail business went wild! Offers about chairs that are perfect to talk to were all over the internet. The stock price of skyrocketed! Seriously, Facebook and Twitter wish they were being yelled at.

Tag Brum
Tag Brum
Tag Brum lives in Brooklyn and writes things from a computer whenever wi-fi is available. You can follow him on Twitter @tagbrum.


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